Spanner in the works



The past few weeks have started taking a toll on me and i havnt been my usual positive self, after yet another set back last week & discovering another major health issue i am just so exhausted from it all.
I have realised i am Not coping at the moment with my health, i just cannot help but feel pissed off with the world & ripped off.

 I have been talking to a lot of people over the past week including my Dr who have suggested i need Grief counselling as i am most probably grieving a "Normal" Life lost.
Apparently its quite common for people like myself & so many others have said it helped so much...
 I am just so annoyed i cant do everything "Normal" people would be able to do at my age. 
I can't run !
Jeepers i am not allowed to even go on a walk,walking was always my way of relieving stress & now that has been taken away from me as well.
So whats left is me and my ever expanding thighs feeling pissed off.

 I just dont no what the best thing is for us as a family to do anymore!

 I hate to think whats its like for our girls as they have no choice but to be right in the middle of it all & its stressful im not going to lie.

 We can't just go and drop the girls off at there grandparents while we go and gather our thoughts & come back refreshed & able to tackle the day, the truth is the girls are with us all the time at my appointments etc and i just hate to think the stress they are absorbing.

 I am finding my Hands/feet & wrists getting much worse where i am struggling to do everyday menial tasks.

 Its bad and its really selfish to feel this way which is frustrating me even more because at the back of my mind im thinking "stop being so self absorbed there is people who are much worse off than you!!"

 But then i look and see people laughing and smiling, running & walking.. 
Moaning about having little sleep as if thats there biggest worry in the world & of late it has been making me a bit bitter.

 As you no i am always brutally honest (sometimes this isnt a great trait to have) but thats just how i have been feeling & i dont like it one bit, i realise i need to change my mind set & find the positive in all of this but at the moment i am just flat and really pissed off with the world.

 I am in Limbo waiting to find out my treatment plan & its driving me nuts i just want/need to no now right now !!!!

 I am writing this post as a way to get it all off my chest & clear my head a little, i hope to be able to look back on this in the future & remember what i was going through and be able to think wow i have come so far :)













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