As the pain Sweeps through my body as i attempt to get up out of bed to one of my children a small tear drop runs down my check & Splatters onto the tiles.
Life with an Auto immune Disease is no easy feat
Psoriatic Arthritis over took my body at a rapid pace spreading quickly from my Feet through to my Fingers tips I am riddled with this retched Disease .
30 years old with 2 toddlers & a Husband that works away living abroad with no family in sight to say life is tough right now would be correct.
Taking Medicines that make me ill,  blurred/Vision/Headaches/Ulcers/Swollen Eyes/Vomitting the list goes on & thats on top of the Disease i deal with daily.
I feel like no one really gets the pain i am in understands just how much of a struggle my everyday life is.

 After reading as much as possible online i came across a good example to express exactly what it feels like in every one of my Fingers 
I liked the description someone wrote of having your joints slowly twisted in the opposite direction nature intended. 
I like to paint the picture to people of school kids playing kick ball using an overly pressurized, red, rubber ball that aggressively gets booted by a 13 year old 5th grader ingrained with anger management issues making a monumental line drive RIGHT into the tender, youthful, finger of a runt sized 3rd grader. After the adrenaline and shock leaves the body and when the body is fully conscious of its assault, the actual pulling on the finger, that unjams the plump, swollen, and inflamed finger, THAT is what PsA FEELS like. ONLY spread across numerous joints throughout our psoriatic arthritic bodies... simultaneously.
Usually, an incident at school like that will follow from every witness along with others who only heard the story, "That looked like it hurt." or "That MUST hurt!" Unfortunately, for PsA sufferers, we don't have an event or recognizable sign that physically affiliates us with the genuine pain we are in.

 Right now i am struggling, struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

 My Meds aren't working the Arthritis is roaring and the pain is un bearable 
How is one meant to function normally in this pain?
Caring for her children? and running a business from home ?

 I feel Beaten by this awful Disease right now & thats a horrible feeling in LIFE ......

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Growth

Image
As i start to get better i feel much more positive and feel i have a good handle on this situation with my face. Its healing and is getting much better. Being inside was awful its so hard to not go out and enjoy the fresh air and do things, I also love the sun so having to avoid that is awful. Its funny to think that from now on i will have to wear a hat and cover up. Today for the first time i went to Story time at the library with Aaliyah and didn't wear a scratch of make up no moisturizer nothing (not that i had a choice in the matter) And it honestly didn't actually bother me at all. I even forgot that i wasn't wearing make up. Now coming from me who never leaves the house with out a full face of make up on , that is quite big. I actually feel really good about it and believe that this is my reason for this to happen to me, to help me grow as a person and feel more confident bearing all for the world to see. People that are naturally beautiful and used to not wearing m
Read more

Beautiful Sleep

Image
Sleep  I love everything about sleep yet don't get the luxury of enjoying it very often at all. All my life i have suffered server sleep issues and from earliest memories i recall being stuck awake at night oh so wishing to just be able to sleep. I recall staying down the Marlborough sounds ,NZ at my grandparents house June and Lionel Hawkins. All us 3 girls being tucked away upstairs in our room all together nattering away non stop until one by one my sisters fell asleep then there was just me, Left wide awake desperate to just get to sleep now the fun was over. My Nana would come in late at night to see if we were asleep and every time sure enough id be wide awake in bed. So on numerous occasions she would take me off downstairs with her and make me a milky Milo to help to settle me enough to sleep (hopefully). You see my Nana suffers the same sleep issues and has told me she to lies awake in bed hours on end just trying to get to sleep. What makes matters worse
Read more

That crazy thing called Life experience

Image
I find even though i may be growing older, Its true the older you get the more wise you become. Although i miss things about my youth ie. Having nothing to worry about other than myself & what i want to do that particular day & wear, The no responsibility's & being accountable for know one other than myself! And all other things associated with this type of thing. Basically that's all i do miss. You see i wasn't the nicest of people when i was younger & although i wouldn't change a lot of things i wish i had treated people nicer & respected myself more. The older i become the more i grow wiser & understand things better I also feel i am growing into my own person more and have my own Style and Flare. I am now confident enough to head in any direction i please with confidence that i will be excepted and its ok to make mistakes and not succeed at everything. I had loved Photography when younger but wasn't confident enough
Read more