A walk in my shoes
After a recent visit with a new Dr i walk away feeling over whelmed with all the information.
My brain trys to store this correctly & as i try to get my head around what will now be my everyday existence i cant quite comprehend where to start first.
Boy was i not expecting that one.
Thing is is have Psoriatic Arthritis which i knew and to a lot of people i think the over all feeling is "Arthritis yeah heaps of people millions in fact have it"
Thing is there is so many different types & i was non the wiser myself until now.
I kinda had the idea that it was just something that effects every person when they become older..
How naive was i to think this was something that i could push to the back of my head buried so deep that i wouldn't have to accept and deal with it.
Yes i have this & turns out i have it really bad !!
See i have had the effects of this for just under a year now and already this is attacking both my knees my ankles, all my fingers, my wrists my spine (yes my spine) my neck & i have huge inflammation in my feet and hands.
To give you a brief run down on what this feels like ill try my best to describe
I wake most mornings after a terrible nights sleep twisting & turning most of the night trying to find an angle to which my body can lie comfortably at ease so i can at least rest.
I am usually awoken between 4-5am with the heavy throbbing aching in my fingers, toes my feet & always my right side.
I feel terribly stiff & swollen & find it terribly painful to try & move.
I force my fingers to bend, most of the time by actually using my other hand to pull hard and force them to bend and get going..
This in turn feels like i have broken my own fingers but starts the process of movement coming back.
The pads on my feet are swollen and raw & i rub my feet together trying to get the movement going with them then twist my neck around and around.
I get up drag myself into the kitchen & take my pain relief meds & try the best i can to function get bottles ready & Milo's then dress the girls & breakfast do washing "the list is endless".
Its not until about 9-10am that i start to feel relief and more movement, I have gotten to the point now that there is no point mentioning i am in this pain all the time because theres nothing anyone can do its just a part of what i have to suck up and deal with.
If i was to continually mention how much i was in pain it would over take me and absorb me and i cant and don't want that.
A list of common things is this
- Generalized fatigue
- Tenderness, pain and swelling over tendons
- Swollen fingers and toes
- Stiffness, pain, throbbing, swelling and tenderness in one or more joints
- A reduced range of motion
- Morning stiffness and tiredness
- Nail changes—for example, the nail separates from the nail bed and/or becomes pitted and mimics fungus infections
- Redness and pain of the eye, such as conjunctivitis
There are 5 types of Psoriatic Arthritis.
The sad truth for me is i have worst case & have 9x Limbs affected in less than a year ,
This does not give me a bright future of health .
You see my knees already mimic those of a 70year old and i am only newly 30.
At least that explains why i feel so slow when moving and achy and old quite frankly.
I have been given a Chemo treatment plan for this that i will take weekly for probably the rest of my life!
I cannot wait to delay this any longer it is a must do for me to have the best chance of mobility for the future.
They say the chance of me being disabled to a certain degree is almost inevitable and that i may even be able to get some type of benefit for this.
Automatically my mind flashes with the idea of pulling up to the malls and having the best parking available right up to the entrance and in my head i hear an almighty BOOM shake shake shake the room - yeah buddy !!!!
Then reality adorns me and i realise this is serious and i must listen and absorb this information.
Next day i go off for my tests to determine whether my liver can handle this and check what my white cell count is then its straight into the Chemo meds.
I feel a fogginess overcome me and i feel overtaken and odd.
That night i don't get much sleep and i have lost my appetite i feel nauseous and just really abnormal, Its hard because i am trying to pretend i am OK and this will not effect me.
All the while at the back of my head I'm thinking (you are kidding aren't you? you cannot even take night and day flu tablets due to your low threshold to medicine and the effects it has on you!!!)
Next morning i drag my body out of bed wihtout functioning all to well get things ready then its off to Mackay to get my Specs and enjoy a day out away from the depths of this.
All the way to Mackay and it dawns on me apon arrival "i cant do this !" "i feel sick" "can i drag myself around this mall?"
The answer is no and off we go back to Airlie Beach.
I am slowly starting to feel myself again and function like Lisa Russ again but at the same time I'm thinking "man do i really have to go through this all over again on Thursday?"
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